Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
