So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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