New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
