If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
