You just made me feel so damn special
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
