at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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