She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
