After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
