Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
