when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Floor bacon is actually really good
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
