so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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