If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
