We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
