just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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