omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
