thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
