I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
