You can't special order awesome
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
