Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
