I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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