Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
