I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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