i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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