So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
