Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
