now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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