great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
