Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize