We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
