Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
