I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
