I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We had to coat check the pizza.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize