i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
