THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
