Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
