It's like God shit irony all over that family
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
