He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
