wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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