Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
