You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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