In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
