My Higher Power is John Stamos
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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