Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
