he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize