let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
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