As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
People in love make me want to vomit
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
