If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
