you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
