i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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