STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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