I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
