I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
