Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize