I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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