seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We have started to decorate penises.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We are all done wearing pants today
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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