What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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