i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
