I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
