K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
