my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
