I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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