i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize