i don't like sucking hair
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
In America we eat man semen.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
