I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
