can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
