I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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