i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
should my penis look like a turkey
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
