I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
