I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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