just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
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