at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
