If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
he had hair everywhere except his balls
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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