throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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