Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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