he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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