I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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