Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i was born a porn star she said
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize