Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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