My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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